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Friday, 6 October 2017

Mum Guilt- Being A Working Mum



Mum guilt is something which I think every single parent struggles with and there is multiple reasons as you might have read a few months ago now when I did a post about the guilt which I suffer because of the fact that I missed two whole trimesters with Jess. Today I am going to share with you another thing which causes me mummy guilt is the fact that I am a working mum well university student mum which is the same as having a full-time job due to a number of hours I have to pump into my studies.

I was lucky to have a whole year of staying at home to look after Jess because of the fact that her birthday is September and this is when the academic year starts so I had to wait to be able to go back to continue my studies. At the time it was not one of the most enjoyable times for me because I would get bored quite easy I would love now to have the year with her. The reason behind this is because now she does have her own personality which is amazing and we can play a lot more which is something that I know she thoroughly enjoys.
However, getting time to play with Jess and spending quality time with her is something which I know I don't do enough because of the fact that I am always busy either commuting ok yes we do spend time together then but she is usually in her pram grumpy. Or she is at nursery while I study and now as I had reached my third year it can mean that I have work to do on a weekend because my workload is so much higher I don't always get it all done in the week which is something that really sucks and eats on family time.

When I start to feel guilty  for this I remind myself that I am actually studying in order to give her a better life because it should improve my job opportunities. Currently, I have to wake Jess up around 5.45 and she is not getting to bed till between 7/8pm. Of these hours I properly only see her for a couple of these most of them are spent on a train going to university which means the time is not good quality.

My stress levels, of course, this year are higher because of the fact that I know I need to succeed and get good grades in order to be able to continue my studies. I have spoken to a number of people about the fact that I sometimes feel super guilty about this issue and they always come back saying they don't know how you actually do it. Sometimes I think I do need to see the bigger picture and it is going to allow me to provide a much better life for her then she would have if I did not complete my studies. At the moment while I am slaving away over essay plans and readings I think about how amazing it is going to be to have Jess at my graduation. Another excuse for Mummy to purchase her a beautiful dress for the occasion. 

I am fully aware that the mum guilt will not go away even when I complete my studies because I am going to have a job no doubt which means that I do not work normal 9-5 hours. The benefit of already been a qualified sports therapist and someone who wants to continue into physiotherapy. I think one of the reasons why the mum guilt at the moment is even more increased for me is due to the fact that Daddy is not here. This means the at the moment Jess is spending a lot less time with us as a family than I would like and she is growing up a lot faster than I would like. I don't want to miss so much of the precious moments which occur while they are developing their personalities even more. 

I do not regret having a child so young because I know that I am still able to continue my dreams of a career. As well as enjoy all the fun times which I have as a result of having a toddler. Yes, it might mean that my days as a university student are over as I used to know them but there is nothing better than not been hungover at 9am in a lecture and getting huge cuddles and Jess shouting I missed you when you pick her up. Even though this does pull at the heartstrings because I know nursery does her so much good and allows her to learn and develop as a person but I can't help but feel guilty that at the age of 2 she misses me. 

I know I am not alone a recent study shows that 57% of  British parents priorities work over family life. I know for sure at the moment that I am one of them because of how important this year is in terms of my study. I know that I really need to work on my work-life balance and this is something which I am going to focus on more when Joe is home. I may even do a post on how I have changed my ways in order to spend more time with Jess. There are quizzes online such as this one which will help you see the work-life balance you have. 

Do you have mum guilt because of being a working parent?

Charlotte x 

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